You should be there
by whyevenbothertbh
Summary: MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILERS The movie was very lacking in Steve/Bucky relationship and I'm not ready (way too mad) to talk about THAT. But I want to talk about why Bucky wasn't dressed properly for the funeral and I want Steve to do something for Bucky, even if just in the fanfiction.


\- I shouldn't be there. I don't have the right.

Steve sighed and turned from the mirror to look at his friend who was standing by the window. Steve's shirt mostly buttoned; suit jacket hanged on the mirror frame.

\- Of course you should be there, Buck.

\- Did you even stop to consider that, Steve? I murdered his parents. I shot his father, choked his mother to death, didn't even blink. I remember that, I won't ever not remember that. He hated me and he had a reason. How do you think Tony would feel if he knew I was at his funeral? Last Stark gone, huh? Mission fulfilled. Molodets, soldat! Hail Hy-

\- Stop, Buck! James Buchanan Barnes. Just stop. For the hundredth time, it wasn't you. Stop blaming yourself for what you could not change. What you did not want. You didn't do this, Hydra did, with your hands. You are a victim, just like the people who got killed.

\- I didn't die. And Tony has. Even if what you say is right, although I don't think it's as simple as that,

He saw Steve open his mouth to speak.

\- Do not interrupt me, Stevie, let me finish. Even if you're right and there's no fault on my side objectively. Tony still hated me. He did and you cannot deny this. He would not want me there and we should honour that. As his friend, you should honour that.

Steve didn't like lying. It was on the bad things list, just like stealing and killing. Sometimes he had to do a bad thing, though.

Bucky had stolen for him, so many times. When he was ill and there was no job to be found anywhere in New York and the food was scarce, Bucky would somehow always manage to get him something to eat. Hell, he would get him his medication and act as if it was lying on the street. Giving him that wide grin - careless, fearless and free.

Steve had killed for Bucky. He's still, after all those years not completely sure he would have led the suicidal mission back there in Austria if there wasn't the chance of Bucky being there, maybe still alive. He would probably wait for more support, follow someone higher in rank in organised action.

Bucky had killed for Steve. When they were fighting together, later, after the Hydra base, Bucky would be Howling Commandos' sniper. Best shot in the regiment, probably the entire division. You could see he was always near Steve and of course, he was Captain America. But still, he did mostly cover Steve. Maybe Dugan wouldn't had been shot in the arm if Buck was backing them all the same. Maybe Steve would be dead.

Bucky has lied for Steve times and times again. Trying to get him dates. Keeping him out of trouble, or maybe keeping consequences of trouble away, lying to teachers, principals, his mom. Putting himself on the line of their anger, always with that same smile on his face, always acting like it was nothing. Steve hasn't seen this smile in over 75 years and who knows if he was going to ever see it again.

Bucky had lied when he pretended to be happy to go to England. He was never one for a fight, only fought when had to and mainly to get Steve out of a scrimmage he was sure to lose. And back then, during the war, he felt he had to. So he acted his role, excited to be the soldier Steve has dreamt to be, wanting to do his part. Not scared, Bucky was never scared. He just smiled, his teeth even and white, bright like stars in the sky of the darkest times.

Steve has lied for Bucky, too. Out of his friends only Natasha knew how it felt to lose every single thing you've ever loved. And she hadn't told Tony either. Steve couldn't let the world tear his friend to shreds, throw his name into the gutter, spit on the last thing he knew, last person he loved. He didn't think he could bear Tony hate what was dearest to him, but ultimately, he had to anyway. Maybe that lie wasn't really for Bucky but for himself.

\- He forgave you.

Bucky froze, still looking at the busy street outside the window.

\- What?

\- Tony forgave you. He told me that, right before the battle. He was angry back then and in shock. But he knew, he realised, it was never your fault. He was emotional and short-tempered, but he wasn't stupid. Just needed some time.

They stood in silence for a minute. For two minutes and then five.

\- I don't have a suit, do you think somebody will care that I'm not wearing one?

Steve smiled a little, the normally hidden dimple in his right cheek showed up.

\- Nobody will care, Buck.

Steve lied for Bucky. Really for Bucky this time.

And Tony wouldn't mind.


End file.
